Boiling Lobsters in Switzerland
Starting from March, lobsters cooked in Switzerland will need to be knocked unconscious before they are thrown into a pot of boiling water. This ruling was handed down after many animal rights groups claimed the act of boiling a lobster while still alive and conscious was inhumane. While many people agree with the law, Swiss chefs feel it is silly and it destroys, what they say, is the perfect cooking method for this tasty crustacean. In an effort to be allowed to continue the practice of boiling the lobster alive, seven chef’s from the Culinary Arts Academy, petitioned the Swiss government. They were denied. In a desperate act one chef, Lars Johansson, asked the government; “What if the lobster has committed a crime, a heinous, terrible crime, is found guilty, then can he boiled?” The government took this question under consideration. As it so happened, a week after the question was posed, a live lobster crawled into a bakery in Zurich and killed several dozen people with a whisk. The lobster was arrested, brought to trial and found guilty. When sentencing commenced Johansson, claiming his llama was killed in the attack, shouted for the lobster to be put to death. The judge pointed out that capital punishment was not allowed in Switzerland and the lobster was sentenced to life in prison. During his first month in prison, the lobster was grabbed and held under a hot shower, and then eaten by his cellmates. While cleaning up his cell, guards found the lobster’s diary. In it they discovered a horrifying truth. The lobster had been set up. Lars Johansson had caught the lobster, taken him out for drinks, gotten him drunk then, dressed like the lobster, Johansson had gone into the bakery in Zurich and killed the several dozen people with the whisk. He then went back to the bar where he had left the drunk lobster and put the whisk in his claw. Of course the lobster was identified in the police line up. The lobster was framed. Johansson was immediately taken into custody, tried and condemned for the murders and the framing of the lobster. In a stunning turn of events, Johansson was sentenced to death by boiling then served with drawn butter, capers and toast points. When asked for comment, a judge from the Federal Supreme Court said that he felt sorry for the lobster’s family, of course there was nothing to do to bring the poor lobster back and they will endeavor to never make the same mistake again. As for Johansson, the judge said; “Delicious, really, really buttery and sweet.” It’s still illegal to boil a lobster alive in Switzerland.